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19
Jul 19

5 Causes of Aggressive Behavior That Have Childhood Roots.

By Jamie Logie.

July 18, 2019. 

 

 

 

It’s natural to want to avoid anything uncomfortable, but this may lead you down a terrible path.

Part of what makes us human is that we can define our existence by two things: Gaining pleasure and avoiding pain. We want to avoid anything that takes us out of our comfort zonesand makes us feel uneasy. For solving problems – which you will undoubtedly face – avoidance coping is an unhealthy way to do it.
This article will look at what avoidance coping is, why it’s not effective at solving your problems, and how to stop it

 

What Is Avoidance Coping?

Whenever a person faces trauma, they deal with it in one of two different ways: either through approach coping or, as we’re looking at here – avoidance coping.
It’s hard to sum up what avoidance coping is, but we can look it at more like an orientation for how you cope. With avoidance coping, you are adopting a bunch of behaviors that allow you to distance yourself from any trauma. This can look like:
  • Distancing yourself from the issue either through diving more into your work or other activities
  • Minimizing the scope of the trauma and minimizing your feelings
  • Denial that anything is even happening to you
  • Addiction to help cope either through drugs, alcohol, or even overeating
  • Isolating yourself from people, oversleeping, and being withdrawn

Why Is This Happening?

Basically, what’s happening is a form of being an ostrich and burying your head in the sand. It’s a refusal to accept reality and current circumstances.
If you’re surrounded by people that care about you, they might also contribute to the avoidance coping. They may be a reminder – or constantly remind you – of whatever the problem is. This can cause you to further push away, isolate yourself, and refuse to approach the issue.
There can become a sense that if you ignore the problem, it will just go away which we all know is the furthest thing from the truth. It doesn’t even matter how big the issue or trauma is. Avoiding it creates the same problems, and the longer you let it go, the bigger it becomes.
This becomes dangerous because if you choose to ignore a small problem, it can snowball into something much bigger and unmanageable.
The thing with avoidance coping is it’s not always a bad thing. Using it helps to avoid stress in the moment and gives the ability to cope. This is ok every once in a while, but if you constantly do it, you will always depend on it never taking action – or accountability.
Over time, constantly coping with things through avoidance can lead to:
  • Emotional numbness which can cause relationship problems
  • A lack of awareness with how you are feeling
  • A lack of awareness with how you relate to the world
  • An inability to take appropriate action and the chance to heal

How Can You Stop Avoidance Coping?

On the one hand, a person using avoidance can cope – but only for the moment. Nothing gets solved like this, it does not resolve the trauma, and it can grow and fester even worse. It might seem like a quick fix, but it only gets worse, in the long run, causing more stress.

The first thing to look at is approach coping or active coping.

This involves changing your way of thinking about the stressor. If you look at every problem as having a solution, it can become easier to overcome. A trauma or stressor only has power over you if you allow it to. Knowing we can conquer it can create a powerful mindset that allows you to approach it head-on.
This cognitive coping is the first step as many of the problems we face are ones we’ve built up in our own minds. Your mind is like a muscle and you can train it to stop thinking in an overly negative way.

The next big thing is to come to grips with the idea that coping like this does not work.

The sooner you can realize this, the sooner you can make progress. Just by reading an article like this shows you are making the first steps. Gaining the information behind what avoidance coping is gives you power over it and can help you stop it.

Another big way to stop it is to recognize when you’re doing it.

Make a note every time you avoid coping with something and you’ll soon learn to nip it in the bud.
This is also a good time to use stress relief techniques such as meditation, yoga, and exercise. It’s not that you’ll be avoiding a problem, but you’ll put yourself into a calmer state to deal with it. Trying to deal with trauma with heightened stress is a recipe for disaster, and it’s better to go in calm and relaxed.

Final Thoughts

Avoidance coping is a natural thing and nothing to be ashamed of. It is important to recognize if it’s got out of control for you and needs to be addressed. The sooner you can stop this method of coping, the sooner you can take control of your life, emotions, and mental health.
This is difficult and does require some work. Learning to reframe your thoughts is the best place to start and can put you into a better headspace to cope. Another good idea is to remember to take small steps and not feel you have to deal with everything at once.
Start changing your behavior by taking small steps instead of thinking you have to overhaul yourself in one big swoop. Having an accountability partner is a great way to do this and will also help with your communication skills. When you’re able to communicate better, it can make this whole process much more manageable.
And as always, if this feels like something out of your control, talking to a professional is always the smart choice. This can help you approach the problem with a trained professional and is a true act of strength.
References:
 
 
About the Author: Jamie Logie

 Jamie Logie is a personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. Jamie also studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".




Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

Archives:

 

 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por chamavioleta às 01:01

15
Jul 19

Sisu: The Finnish Concept of Inner Strength and How to Adopt It.

By Jamie Logie.

July 14, 2019. 

 
sisu finnish inner strength.

 

 

You have more strength in you than you even realize, but how do you bring it out?

Sisu is a Finnish concept based on grit, bravery, and resilience. Sisu is all about having a real stoic determinism and is something that the people of Finland pride themselves on. We may call it “having a stiff upper lip“, but it goes much deeper than that.
This article will look at what Sisu is all about, and how you can adopt it for yourself.

What Does Sisu Really Mean?

I mentioned some of its traits, but we can see Sisu as the ultimate form of courage. It’s about what you do when your back is up against the wall and all the odds are against you.

It’s all about sticking to a course of action and not backing down no matter what adversity you face. No matter the odds you may be up against, Sisu allows you to not be overcome by them.

We can see a popular culture example of this in Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back. When faced with certain doom from an attack by the Empire, Han Solo – with his back against the wall – takes the Millenium Falcon into an asteroid field.

Something that’s considered a suicide mission. He is informed by C3-PO that the chances of successfully surviving an asteroid field are 3720:1, to which Solo responds, “Never tell me the odds…”.

This is an easy way of looking at Sisu as it’s all about displaying courage in the face of overwhelming adversity – and insurmountable odds. 

How Long Has This Concept Been Around?

Sisu goes back hundreds of years and is one of the foundations of Finnish culture. It’s thought to be one of the best ways to understand what the Fins are truly all about. The country has always prided themselves in going beyond one’s own mental or physical capacity, and Sisu is what represents their people.
Sisu has been explained as the word that describes Finland and that “it’s the most wonderful of all their words“. This became popularized during the famous “Winter War” when the Fins were invaded by the Soviet Union. This occurred during 1939-40 and it’s when Sisu came to the forefront.
Time Magazine noted that the “Sisu” displayed by the Fins was all about tenacity. It was about the ability to keep fighting long after others would quit.
The Fins were able to take the war into Russian territory while at the same time withstanding brutal attacks by a reinforced Russian army. This allowed them to gain the upper hand as the Fins could fight in harsh conditions with no sense of throwing in the towel.
Sisu is all about bravery, bravado, and ferocity.

More Examples of Sisu

Sisu applies well to matters of war and battles, but is it something notable in a modern, non-military aspect? Most people forget that one of the biggest phone companies – Nokia – is actually Finnish. As the wireless phone market grew more intense, Nokia could hang on despite many odds being stacked up against them.
Nokia was constantly able to overcome many obstacles going into the mid-2000s and the “guts” they had displayed allowed them to stick around in the industry.
This was chalked up to the Sisu shown by Nokia’s executives. The CEO of Nokia noted how this unique Finnish quality allowed them to persevere and have endurance where other companies would falter.
We can see Steve Jobs as possessing Sisu as he refused to ever throw in the towel. He had an intensity and endurance that others couldn’t match. For Jobs, it was all about being relentless and not giving in to create the best products possible. No was never an option.
Even being forced to leave the company that he started only made him embrace this white-knuckle courage to push forward and come back stronger than ever turning Apple into one of the biggest companies in history.

Where Does Sisu Come From and How Do You Adopt It?

With the Fins, it’s considered having developed because of their harsh Nordic winters. To survive in an environment like that takes the ultimate in perseverance and courage.
But it’s also seen as a product of genetics, biology, psychological, and social factors. Some of it may be in you, but it’s also able to be nurtured through your environment.
This may be a social construct, but the concept of Sisu can exist in anyone. Some people have this “never give up” mindset from the day they are born – but it’s still possible to develop it.

It all comes down to your thought process and mindset.

If you grow up in an environment that fosters this approach, it will be easier for it to become naturally engrained in you. It may be the culture that allows Sisu to exist in you more than it is genetics.
This means you want to surround yourself with people who have these traits as they are more likely to rub off on you.
If Sisu is something you don’t think you have – and you want to adopt it – it means getting out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to people – and situations – where resilience is common. Over time, you will embrace the qualities that allow you to persevere and not back down.

It also means retraining the way you think.

Your brain is like a muscle and it needs repetition to get stronger and more developed. Positive thinking – where you tell yourself to be determined and resilient – will eventually become second nature.
You need to catch yourself every time you doubt or second-guess yourself and remember that it’s just your mind telling you these things. You can train your mind, the problem is it’s we have bombarded it with negative self-talk because of the environment and culture we find ourselves in – so it takes work.
When you continue to reinforce the idea of Sisu in your mind, you will find that the perception of it has now become a reality.
References:
  1. http://www.bbc.com/
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/
  3. https://www.sciencedaily.com/
 
About the Author: Jamie Logie

 Jamie Logie is a personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. Jamie also studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".




Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

Archives:

 

 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por chamavioleta às 16:41

13
Jul 19

Naikan Reflection: 

How This Japanese Technique Transforms Your Relationships.

By Francesca F.

July 12th, 2019

 
 

 

Naikan Reflection helps us to better understand ourselves and others in our various relationships.
Relationships are complicated, and it is always easier to focus on the bad parts than the good. Naikan Reflection is a form of genuine self-reflection which aims to help us understand our relationships better.

By understanding the bigger picture, we can see the nuances of a relationship. Most significantly, you may find yourself recognizing cycles of negative behavior, or having a greater respect for what others do for you.

What Is Naikan Reflection?

Naikan Reflection is a structured method of self-reflection which helps us to get a more realistic sense of our relationships with others. It was developed by Japanese businessman and devoted Jodo Shinshu Buddhist, Yoshimoto Ishin.

Those who practice it claim that it helps them to understand themselves and others with who they have relationships.
The Three Questions of Naikan Reflection

Naikan Reflection is based on three key questionswhich help us to reflect on our relationships with others, from friends to family, co-workers to acquaintances.
  1. What have I received from…?
  2. What have I given to…?
  3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused…?
There is a logical fourth question in this series which is ‘What troubles and difficulties have… caused me?’ This question was purposefully ignored because of the belief that this question is responsible for too much misery in daily life.
One of the most important aspects of Naikan Reflection is that it assumes we are all naturally good at seeing an answer to this fourth question. In contrast, true knowledge comes from a little introspection.

Three Different Methods to Practice Naikan Reflection

The general method of practicing Naikan Reflection is to answer these questions in detail.
  • Examine first what you have received from others.
There are times we receive things from others without understanding the sacrifices they made or the thought they gave it. Take the time to understand this and to whom you should be grateful.
  • Next, consider what you have given to others.
We are all susceptible to self-criticism. Taking the time to understand how you are capable of helping others can change our perception of ourselves.
As a result, this is a valuable tool because it helps to boost self-esteem and change our mindset. When we see the good in what we have done without making a conscious effort, we can see the good we are capable of in the future.
  • The final question is not the easiest to answer.
We never like to point fingers at ourselves; doing so can be difficult. Yet, we must understand the hardships we have caused others to truly be introspective. When we see what difficulties we have caused others, we can begin to understand and even repair those relationships.
There are three main ways Naikan Reflection can be practiced, so you can find the right method for you.

Daily Naikan (Nichijo Naikan)

Daily Naikan Reflection takes only 20 to 30 minutes before falling asleep. Sit in a quiet place and minimize distractions. Consider the three questions of Naikan and answer them in relation to the events of the day.
Try to be as specific as you can rather than generalize about ‘receiving food’ or ‘gave assistance.’ It may seem trivial, but it is important to recognize what you should be grateful for and what you offer others.
This method is the simplest. It also keeps the self-reflection we do present in our daily lives.

Naikan Reflection on a Person

Naikan Reflection can be done in reference to a specific person. This method takes a little longer because it focuses on the entire relationship, beginning to end. Start with how you met, and slowly work your way through the ups and downs of the relationship chronologically.
Naikan Reflection on a person gives us greater insight and respect for a particular person. You may focus on a few weeks, or a few years, giving yourself a detailed account of hard times with the gift of hindsight.
You will be able to see how the relationship has strengthened or may be weakened. However, you will be able to see the situation as a whole.

A Naikan Retreat (Schuchu Naikan)

Naikan Retreats can be a scheduled event, or it can be something you venture to do alone. Taking yourself away for a set amount of time to a quiet and secluded place can be mind-opening.
Venture to a peaceful and private spot and give yourself nothing to do but reflect. View your life chronologically and assess all of your relationships in turn.
This is the most intense version of self-reflection and it can take some time to work up to this. However, those who take part in such retreats have profound and life-changing experiences. What is important is that you are sincere and committed to the experience.

Why self-reflection is important

Self-reflection is deeply entrenched in many of the world’s spiritual cultures. There are many different methods of self-reflection which can help open your mind to all that life is.
Naikan Reflection is simply one of many of these methods, but it helps us to form closer bonds through the understanding of our relationships.
Most importantly, practicing this reflection helps us to recognize the importance of others and the positive impact we can have in the lives of others.
References:
  1. https://minds.wisconsin.edu
  2. https://oxfordre.com

 

 

  1.  

 

 

 

 

About the Author: Francesca F.

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
 
 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 

 

 
publicado por chamavioleta às 19:44

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